Lady Mastercard 

[On Credit]

To "Lady Marmalade"

(Words and Music by Bob Crewe and Kenny Nolan)

Parody Lyrics by Marcy Shaffer

Arranged by Greg Hilfman

OOO, CREDIT.
WHO LED IT?
WHO SPREAD IT?
WHO FED IT?
OOO, CREDIT.
WHO LED IT?
WHO SPREAD IT?
WHO FED IT?
 
HIS FIRST MASTERCARD CAME WHEN HE WAS A LAD.
SENT TO HIS DORM WITH AN AD.
IT SAID: "HELLO, NEW GRAD!
WE KNOW THERE'S STUFF YOU WANT BAD."
 
"ITCHIN' FOR SOME BITCHIN' GOODIES?
THAT BEWITCHIN' IPOD STARRED?
ABERCROMBIE FITCHIN' HOODIES?"
HE OK'D THE MASTERCARD.
 
PLASTIC IS FANTASTIC TO GET, NO SWEAT.
PLASTIC IS FANTASTIC, YOU BET.
 
CAJOLED TO GO GOLD.
HE ENROLLED.
THEY SAID: "HERE:
HAVE NO CAREER?  
NEVER FEAR.
LIVE LARGE, CHARGE ALL YOUR GEAR.
JUST PAY THE MINIMUM, DEAR."
 
"WHY NOT TRY THOSE CASH ADVANCES?
WHY NOT BUY A SAINT BERNARD?
WHY NOT FLY WHEREVER FRANCE IS?"
HE OBEYED THE MASTERCARD.
 
PLASTIC IS FANTASTIC TO LET YOU JET.
PLASTIC IS FANTASTIC, NET NET.
 
THE DATE HE PAID LATE MADE HIS RATE INFLATE.  
TEN PERCENT TO TWENTY-EIGHT.
COLLECTION AGENCIES GALORE
TREKKED TO SQUEEZE THIS OBLIGOR.
FOR 
MORE.
MORE!
 
NOW HE HAS SHREDDED HIS CREDIT SCORE.
NOW HE IS POOR TO THE CORE.
STILL IT'S ALL BUT FOR SURE.
HE'LL DETOUR TO SOME STORE.
FOR 
MORE.
MORE!
 
HE, HE DIDN'T SEE THE KEY FAULT.
CHICHI LUXURY COMES HARD.
HE IS LEGALLY IN DEFAULT.
BE AFRAID OF MASTERCARD.
 
PLASTIC CAN BE DRASTIC FOR DEBT NOT MET.
PLASTIC CAN BE DRASTIC REGRET.
 
PLASTIC CAN BE DRASTIC TO DISREGARD.
DISASTER TO MISS MASTERCARD. 

JANIS LIEBHART - LEAD VOCAL, BACKGROUND VOCAL

ANGIE JARÉE - BACKGROUND VOCAL

GARY STOCKDALE - BACKGROUND VOCAL

GREG HILFMAN - MUSIC DIRECTOR

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